Memories

Hi Kaps,
I miss you.
I love you so much.
I dont generally have a problem with death. I feel like, as a doctor, I have to give this news to people all the time. Sometimes when it seems like we've done all we can as physicians I catch myself not understanding why families have such a hard time letting go. Never, will I make that mistake again.
Something we always say in the hospital is that the nicest people always have the most aggressive cancer, or the poorest prognosis.. I feel like that with you. The best person i know, is the one who was taken away from us. Ive been racking my brain to understand why-- if there is a God, and how he could have taken YOU of all people away from us. My only way of reconciling this is to believe the He has a greater purpose for you. That maybe your goals and visions of changing the world are just that much more grand than I can even comprehend. I'm not sure if I believe that yet but i'm trying to.
What I remember most about you is what i'm sure everyone will remember-- its your smile. It really was contagious. I loved the way you did this little uncontrolled laughter after you made some saracastic comment that almost had a lil snort associated with it- im not sure if described that well but im sure you know what I mean. I remember you looking like you were going to kill me after we went skiing and i promised you it was a bunny slope when i was totally lying to you. .. but we did make it down the hill :) I genuinley feel privledged to have met you, to have so many memories with you.
My emotions go from happiness as I remember you, to anger for this complete nonsense, to overwhelming sadness-- I feel angry and people who don't know you for not understanding what has been lost. I love you so much. Wish I could hug you right now.
Love,
Maneesh